Another PTSD fail day

Today was another PTSD fail day. There are some days with this condition when it seems like there’s no way to win. 

I did all of the usual daily maintenance things. Exercise, both cardio and strength. Eating and tracking what I eat. Prayer. Mindfulness practice. Journaling. Bible reading. I took my meds. Afternoon sleep. Plus all the normal house husband duties. 

After all of this work, and yes a lot of it is a struggle, I still ended up mentally fighting through the evening with irrational fears, feelings of inferiority and a general mood one might describe as being a “butthead”. 

The positive side is I also have really good days, or at least times during the day. Plus I managed to stay alive so I’ll be able to try again tomorrow. 



Christians, Stand Your Ground!!!!

With the recent changes happening in the United States I’ve been saddened, angered, disheartened by what I’ve seen.  Yes, part of my disappointment has been from the un-Godly changes in our laws, but more of it has been caused by seeing people who profess to be Christians bowing to the pressure to be politically correct.

It has been most evident on social media.  Seeing a person who one day shared a Christian meme, and the next day put a gay pride rainbow on.  Combined with everything else happening on the world stage, it’s enough to make me want to give up.

But, God did not call me, or any of His children to give up.  He called us to stand firm.  He called us to prepare for battle.  In Ephesians 6:10-20 every Christian is given his or her battle orders.  Eph 6:10 starts with the imperative to stand your ground.  It doesn’t say to stand down or give in so you can be nice.  It says Stand Your Ground.  Standing your ground doesn’t mean to hate.  It doesn’t mean to demean.  It’s not angry or mad.

What it is is a command to stand your ground in the face of what is wrong.  If no one is standing up for truth, then how can the truth be known?  Disagreeing with a lifestyle is not wrong.  In fact, continuing to point to God is one of the most loving things you can do.

Where are the old Democrats?

I’m very conservative and Christian.  I’m pro gun.  Anti abortion.  I think people should work for what they need or want.  I could go on, but you get the point.

I grew up in Indiana in a very democrat family.  I’m the blacksheep of the family.  I basically learned the democrat meant being a working man, or woman.  They believed in God and the Bible.  The believed in gun rights.  In many ways, they were the conservatives of today with a few differences.

I’m wondering where those democrats went?  Are they really all gone?  Most of, if not all of the democrats I knew would not have been decorating anything with rainbows after the recent supreme court fiasco.  They wouldn’t be fighting for open borders in the name of being politically correct.

The democrats I knew would have never dreamed of burning the American Flag.  They also wouldn’t fight to force anyone to do away with the confederate flag.

The democrats I knew all had guns.  They didn’t believe that the government should be the overseer of what was good for everyone.  In fact, the democrats I knew didn’t really trust the government no matter which party it claimed.

Are all of those democrats gone?  Did they die out at some point during the last 30 years and I missed it?  I cannot picture anyone I knew from central Indiana in the 80’s hanging a gay pride flag at their house or anywhere else.  They thought abortion was an abomination.  Where are they?  Are they too afraid to speak up?  Are they too afraid to lose something if they stand up?

What happened to them?

Killing Christians

I recently started reading Killing Christians by Tom Doyle.  I wasn’t sure what I would find in this book, but after reading it I’m shocked, dismayed, worried, etc.  Even though I knew that persecution of Christians existed, I didn’t know the horrifying extent of it.

Living in the U.S. has an insulating effect.  I’m ashamed to say that I often just don’t think about the struggles that Christians in other countries deal with.  Like many Christians here, my biggest concern is usually isolated to concerns over the slow erosion of the Christian foundation on which our country was built.

It never occurs to me that Christians worldwide are in hiding.  That they are meeting late at night and in secret places to learn and praise God.  Just this week I walked into a nice Christian bookstore with no thoughts of being killed because I was there.  We pray before we eat out at a restaurant without worry of being seen and targeted for death.

I didn’t know that Christians are still being crucified.  I’m sorry that I didn’t pay more attention.  I’m sorry that I haven’t been actively involved in the spiritual battle to support those who are facing atrocities because they refuse to renounce Jesus.

I’m out of words.

English: Persecution of the Christians

English: Persecution of the Christians (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My first VA trip

It’s been a while coming, but it’s finally time for me to seek help from the VA.  I’ve avoided this for a long time in the hopes that I would just get better.  I haven’t.

I have damage to my lumbar spine and PTSD.  So, my wife is helping me start the process.

First, we have both tried to start the claim with the VA website.  Ummm, that’s not the way to go.  We both ran into nothing but problems and confusion with the website.  Loops to broken pages, links that don’t work, etc.  It’s an unpleasant experience.

So, yesterday we went to the VA hospital by Pensacola NAB.  The first step was to fill out some initial paperwork and then wait.  We filled it out, took a number and then waited.  It took about 30 minutes to an hour for our number to be called.  We then spoke to a gentleman that looked over our paperwork, made copies of my DD-214 and then told us to come back the next morning at 6:30am to put our name on a list to see a VA advocate.

We came back bright and early at 6:30am and put my name on the list.  We then went home for about an hour because nobody is seen before 8am.

We came back by 8am and then waited another couple of hours or so to be seen.  We overheard that Friday’s just happen to be the worst day to come to the VA because all of the counselors, except for a couple, are busy doing paperwork on Friday mornings so that they can get done and get out for the weekend.

Once we got called back to talk to one of the advocates, it was a fairly short process.  She went over our initial paperwork, made sure I was in the computer properly, and gave us the task of gathering my medical records.  We also need to gather any other medical evidence that we can.  From what I could understand from the advocate, this will probably not be a short, easy process.

Here we go.

When do I accept the title of racist?

I’m a middle aged, that’s weird to say, white male.  Growing up, I never considered myself as a racist.  I didn’t see a specific type of person and think anything that covered a whole race of people.  I had friends, or at least acquaintances of all types.

The first time I was accused of being a racist white guy was in Army basic training.  I needed something from a specific drill sergeant, but I didn’t know his name.  I described him as the black drill sergeant.  He was the only african american drill we had.  I then spent at least an hour doing push ups and being accused of being a racist.  Thinking about that now, they never did tell me how I was supposed to describe him.  That was in the 90’s.

It’s now 2015 and I still don’t know what words I can use and which ones I can’t.  From watching the news and other media it appears that it really doesn’t matter what I do or say.  I, and others like me, have been deemed to be the enemy by default.  It’s almost as if there are people that want me to be a racist whether I am or not.  It feels like brainwashing.  If I’m told that I’m racist for long enough, then eventually I’ll accept the title and act accordingly.  Then, I can truly be called an enemy.  Interesting approach.

I’ve only mentioned one incident here, but there are more than I can count.  Both on the job as a police officer, and personally.  So, I’m truly interested.  What do I do?  What am I?  Am I automatically racist because of my skin color?  Do I have a choice?

Bring a Spotbot on vacation with you

If you have dogs like we do, then we have found that a Spotbot is an indespensible tool.  If you’ve got dogs like we do, it will save you a lot of stress.  Both of our dogs are well trained, but there are still the occasional mistakes in the house.  Speaking of mistakes, we also spill things at times as well.  I prefer to blame the dogs for everything though.  🙂

We had one when we still owned a house and it died right before we left.  So, Jodi found another one on Walmart’s website and had it delivered to our door.  We’re grateful for the rental owners that allow us to have pets and we want to make sure that their trust is not taken for granted.  The Spotbot ensures that we can leave the carpet the way we found it.

Personally, I wouldn’t put carpet in a vacation rental.  But, we’re the renters not the owners, so we will take the necessary steps to make sure we take care of the properties we live in.

On a side note, I’m wondering if Daisy, our Amstaff, knew we got a new spotbot and wanted to try it out.  She’s sneaky that way.

Comfort in the presence of veterans

List of United States Marine Corps installations

List of United States Marine Corps installations (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My wife and I were in a restaurant tonight in Beaufort, SC.  Parris Island is very close to where we are staying.  I noticed two older couples sitting at a table nearby.  Soon I overheard one call the other gunny.  I immediately knew that I was in the company of a couple of Marine Vets.  I was Army, but there’s still a since of peace in knowing that I’m near some men who served like me.  I decided to leave them be and not interrupt their dinner, but secretly I was glad they were there.