My toughest day as a cop


Rape (Photo credit: Valeri Pizhanski)


I have PTSD, so I’m no longer a police officer.  But, the memories of those times and others stay with me.  I was pretty ticked last night after an online discussion with someone who was telling me how bad guns were.  I make bullet jewelry and she was slightly bothered that I was promoting gun use.  Actually, she was the second person who made that accusation to me yesterday.


So, let me tell you a short story from my police years.  I still remember clearly my hardest day.  I’m sure you’re thinking it was a shoot out or something similar, but it wasn’t.  My toughest day was centered around an interview with a victim.  She had been out jogging at night and was attacked and raped.


The tough part was having to interview her.  I had to ask those questions that I knew would hurt her.  The ones that would force her back into that moment.  Make her relive it.  Make her feel the shame and embarrassment of telling a stranger about the worst day of her life.  She had to tell me the intimate details of a horrific event in her life.  An event that brought her shame and fear that she did not deserve.  I will never forget the looks on her face.  The pain she felt reliving it.  I will also never forget how disgusting I felt asking her those questions.


That was my toughest day.  Having to reopen wounds and probe that memory to get the information I needed to do my job.  I hunted for him night after night and sometimes when I wasn’t on duty.  I became angry at myself for not being in the right place at the right time to save her.  The rape happened on my shift.


Do I wish she had had a gun that night and that she had shot him?  Yes!  I would have much rather responded to a shooting of a rapist than to have done that interview.  She did not get assaulted because I wasn’t doing my job.  It didn’t happen because their weren’t enough police on the street.  It happened because predators do not work in the light.  They don’t operate normally where they can be seen.  They prey on the weak.  They are not strong.  They are cowards, but they’re still dangerous.


Don’t tell me that law abiding people should not be armed.  That they instead should be dependent on the government for their protection.  There are too many evil people roaming any given city on any given day for the police to affectively deal with them.  I’m not bashing the police.  As I said, I was one.  But there aren’t enough men and women with a badge to protect us all.  Defend yourself.



The Black Dot

A good funny to wake up to.

Morning Story and Dilbert

A small town chamber of commerce invited a speaker to address its annual dinner. The community’s economy was bad, people were discouraged, and they wanted this motivational speaker to give them a boost.

During her presentation, the speaker took a large piece of white paper and made a small black dot at the center with a marking pen. Then she held the paper up before the group and asked them what they saw.

One person quickly replied, “I see a black dot.”

“Okay, what else do you see?”

Others joined in agreement: “A black dot.”

“Don’t you see anything besides the dot?” – she asked.

A resounding “No” came from the audience.

“What about the sheet of paper?” – asked the speaker. “I am sure you have all seen it”, she said, “But you have chosen to overlook it.”

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Why I hate pepper spray for self defense

Pepper spray Demonstration; U.S. Marine Corps ...

Pepper spray Demonstration; U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Jerry Syrek, an instructor assigned to Naval Air Station (NAS) Jacksonville, Security Department, sprays U.S. Navy Aviation Electronics Technician Airman Joel Pichardo with pepper spray during the one week Auxiliary Security Force Academy held on board NAS Jacksonville. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 3rd Class (RELEASED) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


It seems these days that many people who formerly paid no attention to the idea of having to defend themselves from a violent person or persons are starting to think that maybe they should.  I agree with them.


Obviously the news likes to pick up on stories and sensationalize them for ratings.  But, it seems that today they have even more stories to choose from.  Because of the seeming uptick in violence many people are looking for ways to defend themselves.  A vast majority of those people are afraid of guns or at least afraid of the stigma related to them thanks to the news, politicians, etc.


So, many will decide to go with non-lethal forms of self defense instead of the dreaded firearm.  What many don’t know is that these non-lethal self defense items also leave a lot of room for error.


Let’s take a look at one of the more popular items for self defense, pepper spray.  Having been sprayed with pepper spray either directly or indirectly on more than one occasion, I can tell you that it hurts.  But, I can also tell you that in the right situation a determined person can also fight through it.


As I write this I’m reminded of a police call I was on a few years ago.  My partner and I were trying to make an arrest on a man that was high on narcotics.  We did everything by the book and were going through the levels of force to try to control the guy and get him into handcuffs.  When the pepper spray came out the fight did not stop.  It just meant that we all had to fight through the haze of burning spray.


I know that there are many instances when pepper spray was all it took to stop a bad guy.  But, there are also many when it did not and only served to make it a little harder to fight.  Personally, I will never rely on pepper spray as the only line of self defense.