My new PTSD lack of memory

English: Cases of PTSD and Severe Depression A...

English: Cases of PTSD and Severe Depression Among U.S. Veterans Deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan Between Oct 2001 and Oct 2007 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years ago, I think.  I say I think because I really don’t know for sure.  One of the things PTSD has done to me is greatly affect my memory.


Since PTSD hit me I just don’t remember things.  I’m not exaggerating when I say that I used to have a near photographic memory. Tests were never an issue for me in school because I always remembered the information.  As a police officer, I could make an arrest and then go to court months later and remember with vivid clarity all of the details of the incident.  Basically, once I saw something it was locked in my mind and I could recall it anytime I wanted or needed.


After PTSD I rarely remember much of anything.  I have to check my phone or watch multiple times a day to know what day it is.  I have to keep extensive notes of normal everyday things because I can’t recall information when I need it.  Simple things like did I eat lunch?  I don’t know.  Did I make a phone call I was supposed to make?  Don’t know, I have to do some research to find out.  Did I turn the oven off?  I have no earthly idea, I’ll have to go check.  And then at times recheck multiple times before I can get a particular piece of info to stick.


For me, this has been probably the most annoying and embarrassing part of PTSD.  I HATE having to call someone like the doctors office to find out if I already called them or not.  If I failed to take down notes, then I typically have no way of knowing whether I have spoken to somebody or not.


I’m basically relegated to doing chores around the house.  Cleaning, fixing, upgrading, etc.  I am able to handle our money because of extensive register and note keeping that I do.  I am grateful for these things because it gives me a sense of purpose.  It makes me feel that my wife isn’t having to carry all of the burden herself.


It’s difficult to once be a man who could respond to any emergency situation with a clear mind and confidence, and then go to someone who has to triple check before I leave the house to make sure I have my wallet.  I guess in the end this is the new me and I might as well get used to it.  I’m not really seeing a change in the near future.




My turn for a flat tire

I was driving home this evening from dinner with my daughter. I pass through an intersection and boom! I ran over something that left a good size hole in my rear tire.

This particular intersection is a busy one, and at the risk of sounding whiny and spoiled, I must ask “why me?” A damaged tire is not an earth shattering problem by any means. But, of all of the vehicles that go through this intersection, what made me the lucky one out of a hundred plus to drive at the exact right spot at the exact right time to run over something that punctured my tire?

Just a thought on the odd events of life.


Modern methods of Christian persecution

English: Persecution of the Christians

English: Persecution of the Christians (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s there were many warnings from various preachers on the coming persecution of Christians in the United States.  Like most, I believed this persecution would be like biblical times.  I was looking for a time when the persecution of Christians would resemble something akin to the actions of the Romans during Jesus’ time.

I think I, and many were a little off target in what we were expecting.  The persecution of Christians, in my view, has begun in earnest.  The surprise is that it is much quieter and slower than expected.  So quiet in fact that I don’t think many Christians even see what’s happening.  The methods appear to be and have been much stealthier than what I thought they would be.  Honestly, I think it would have been easier to take a stand for many Christians if they actually recognized what was happening.

It appears that the modern methods of Christian persecution are driven by the guise of political correctness and acceptance.  Look at the world around you and take some time to think and pray about what you see.  God has been removed from all public schools.  Actually from all public life in general.  A Christian who does not accept particular sins is now labeled as ignorant, or as part of a hate group.

Many Christian churches have been infiltrated by a politicly correct version of the gospel.  A version that says it’s no longer about Jesus, it’s about being nice.  Churches are popping up that appear from the outside to be a traditional Christian house of God.  But a closer look reveals that what is being taught is polytheism, or even self worship.  Many of these false teachings will sprinkle in enough of God and Jesus to lead the unprepared Christian off of the true path.  Then there are some of these ‘churches’ that are slowly getting bolder.  As their strength grows, they no longer try so hard to hide their true beliefs.  They don’t have to because anyone who speaks against them is now labeled as intolerant and shamed back into the shadows.

Will the current persecution stay peaceful for long?  I don’t know for sure, but I doubt it.  If you’ll take a look at other countries, you’ll see that Christian persecution is in full swing and much more violent.  It would be my guess that as the persecution movement grows stronger that things will grow more blatant and possibly violent. The time for Christians to just sit in a church pew one hour per week have ended.  It’s time to prepare yourselves to choose whom you will serve.  Does this all sound conspiratorial or exaggerated to you?  I’m fine with that.  The only thing I ask is that you do your own praying and research.  Ask God to open your eyes to the truths around you.

Bullet ring

I’m starting to perfect my initial jewelry making attempts. This is a 40 caliber ring I made. More are in the works. Different designs as well. I don’t reload my ammunition, so I might as well do something creative with it. What do you think?


What happened to personal responsibility?


bartender (Photo credit: macwagen)


I try to avoid talk shows, but I got a small part of one today.  They were discussing the news of the day and debating their responses.  One of the stories was about a bartender who was fired for calling the police on a drunk patron that was getting ready to leave the bar.  She was fired for it.  This is wrong in so many ways.


But the discussion the panel got into was about how the bartender was right and if she had not done it and the customer went out and drove drunk, then got into an accident, the bar owner should be sued.


My question is why?  Why is it our new society norm to find as many people as possible to blame for every thing that happens?  What if the drinker in question had started his or her alcohol consumption at another bar or at home.  What if they only had one drink in the bar and then left?  The bartender or owner would most likely not know the condition of that person when they arrived.


But, let’s look at the bigger picture.  Why does our country need someone to blame for everything that happens?  If the blame lies simply on the person who committed an act, then fine, blame away.  But, trying to follow a chain of unwitting contributors to an event is rather insane.  Unless each person in that chain knew what final outcome they were trying to achieve, they are just bystanders like everyone else.  We might as well sue Hostess for making people fat.


It seems we’re at a point where everyone wants to place blame, but no one wants to accept it.  Anyone who feels slighted in the least way now wants revenge.  Yes, in many cases it’s about revenge.  Making a person pay for their sins, or accidents,  in the harshest way allowed.  I’m feeling that if public stonings were still allowed, we’d see them quite often.  Many speak loudly about equality, forgiveness, understanding and the like.  But very few are attempting to put these words into action.


I’m really growing weary of seeing the negative in our world, but it seems that it has gotten almost inescapable.  Hopefully, God will respond to the prayers of the few.




Why I won’t carry a 22 as a defensive gun

English: Subcompact Glock 26 with tritium nigh...

English: Subcompact Glock 26 with tritium night sights and aftermarket Pearce-brand grip extender in 9x19mm Parabellum. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been going back and forth on which gun I should carry as a defensive weapon.  By the way, yes I have a carry permit, have gone through all of the background checks and have years of experience with various guns.

I know all about how a 22LR does not have the stopping power of larger rounds and all of that.  Honestly, in most situations, the mere presence of a gun is a reliable deterrent to crime.  I also have a Glock 27 which is obviously heavier than my Ruger SR22 and the weight difference was making me lean towards the .22 for everyday carry.

Up until today, I had never had any misfires on the range with the ruger.  I always use higher quality ammunition in it and have never had a problem.  But, today I had three fail to fires.  I simply pulled the trigger a second time on each of these and they fired.  But, do I want to trust my life or the life of others to a possible failure when it counts?  I do not.

I love my .22 at the range.  It’s fun to shoot and the ammo is cheaper.  But, it will no longer be a carry weapon for me.  My Glock has fired a lot more rounds without ever failing to fire.  That is the dependability I need in a possible life or death situation.  So the .22 will still go to the range quite often, but that’s it.  Only the Glock gets to go out with me when I’m not heading to the range.

Maybe some kind soul will buy me a Beretta Nano to cut down on the carry weight.  🙂

Keep a well rounded prayer list

English: iPad (center), original iPhone (top l...

English: iPad (center), original iPhone (top left), iPhone 3G (white and black), magic mouse (bottom right) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I keep a prayer list on apple notes.  It’s always updated on my iPad, iPhone, and Mac.  I’ve also used Evernote for the same.  I look at it and pray several times a day.


It’s important though to keep it well rounded.  It’s easy to get into a habit of only praying for those things that we need or are bothering us at the moment.  Talking to God about our needs is not wrong.  God tells us to do this.  But, we also need to pray about those things we are thankful for.  We need to pray for our neighbors, whether we know what they need or not.  We should pray for those people that we don’t know that we hear stories about.   Those in Boston come to mind right now.


Your prayer list doesn’t have to be long or short.  It also doesn’t need to be detailed.  Just list bullet point reminders.  God already knows what’s coming.  What He asks from us is obedience and dependence.  Maybe an app doesn’t work for you.  Then use a piece of paper.  Write it on your hand.  Whatever works for you.  The point is that we are to be praying for all things, good and bad, on a continual basis.  Keep your line of communication with God open and talk about everything.  God won’t get tired of hearing from you.




Closeup portrait of a happy young woman smiling isolated on white background

There may be humor in the guy who forgets his anniversary and his cute wife hits him over the head with a paper towel or thumps him on the forehead.  There may be a chuckle when someone forgets to check themselves before leaving the bathroom and toilet paper is hanging from their pants as they walk down the work hallway. We are prone to forget things and sometimes often, but there are some things that are too dangerous to forget.


Those who choose not to retain the knowledge of God will lose their soul. “But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it–not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it–they will be blessed in what they do” (James 1:25).

Blessings flow to those who remember the Lord and when this life is over they will enjoy eternal life.

 “Be careful, and…

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Which came first? The violence or the gun?

History of handgun carry permit laws, 1986-pre...

History of handgun carry permit laws, 1986-present. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Let me clearly state my position on guns.  I’m a gun owner.  I’m a former soldier and police officer.  I have a concealed carry permit in the state of Georgia which means I had to submit to background checks.  I own my guns legally.  I believe there is a need to be prepared to protect myself, my family and those in my community.  I’m also a member of the NRA and  I have never had to shoot a human being, and I don’t want to.


In the current gun debate, there is a lot of talk about stricter gun laws.  I agree that everyone who purchases a gun of any kind should have to submit to a back ground check, this includes at gun shows.  I believe that if an individual has already gone through the process to obtain a concealed carry permit, they have already gone through a very rigorous background check.  I agree that those who have been found to be mentally dangerous should be restricted from owning a gun.  I agree that convicted felons should not be permitted to own a gun.


I don’t believe that most of the current gun laws being debated will have an affect on the violence in the United States.  Looking at the gun and not the violence is a mistake.  A big mistake.  We, as a nation can debate gun laws, knife laws, bat laws, frying pan laws and any other potential weapon laws until the end of time and still not address the matter at the heart of the issue.


What’s at the heart of it?  The question that should be in public and government debate is why is there so much violence in the first place?  The method of violence will never matter unless we first look at the cause for the rise of violence in our country.  Of course, I have an opinion on the matter.  I believe we have turned our back on God in almost all levels in our country.  To even make this statement, there are many who would label me as intolerant.  How dare I suggest that there is one true God and that we are suffering the consequences of turning from Him as our guiding force.  But, it is what it is.


It’s a situation that could not be any clearer.  Look back on the short history of our country and trace the problem.  It’s fairly easy.  Let me quickly address one of the first arguments many have to this.  Yes, our country was founded on Christian principles and yes we have abandoned those principles on the basis of political correctness.  Yes, many Christians throughout history have made some pretty horrendous mistakes.  But, many more have given their lives to change their world for the better through the power of Jesus.


For some reason that is unknown to me, we are refusing to look back at our path and see where we may have gone off the rails.  Instead we pretend that because we spent a few years in a college somewhere, that we now have all of the answers to problems that have plagued mankind since the beginning of time.  I am truly baffled by the fact that our government and society is refusing to look back to see where we went wrong or where we should go from here.  If you are driving to a place you don’t know, no normal person would just keep trying new directions until they finally end up in the right place, if that ever happens.  No, you look back at your map or gps and figure out where you took the wrong turn.  Once you know that, then you can figure out how to adjust course to get back on the right path.


God is our gps and we have thrown Him out the window along with the map(the Bible) and decided that if we just keep driving and turning then we will make it to our destination.  This sounds like a definition of insanity to me.



Why isn’t the health food store a happy place?

My wife and I stopped by the organic, health food grocery store today. The usual Saturday crowd was there. Mostly those one might consider urban hippies if you were looking for a quick description. We don’t go there often because it’s on the pricey side.
I noticed something on this bright sunny Saturday that I hadn’t caught before. Most of the shoppers seemed to be rather unhappy. I could tell by the appearance of most of the shoppers that they have totally bought into the healthy living, love the earth above all else life style. I’m not condemning the choice, just making an observation.
I was intrigued by something though. Most of the shoppers were frowning and very self absorbed. I attempted to say hello to a few, with no response. They just looked through me and kept on their frantic way. So why, if earth friendly healthy living is the way, did I not find more happy engaged people?
Just a question and observation that I had today.