I had a rather bad night last night. Bad may actually be an understatement. I woke up sever times drenched in sweat. I do mean drenched, it was like I had just gotten out of a pool and got straight into bed. Unfortunately, in my sleepy stupor I often mistake this for having a fever or something along that line. I ignore it and try to go back to sleep only to wake up in the same condition a short time later.
It’s usually not until I actually get out of bed do I realize that I had a night of panic attacks in my sleep. My body hurts all over like I’ve been in a fight. My sheets are soaked, my underwear is soaked(no I didn’t pee on myself), and my brain is spinning. My first thought is always, “I must be sick”. That is not the case.
It means that I was having some sort of fight in my sleep that was intense enough to call a full body reaction. These nights thankfully don’t happen often. But, when they do happen, the next day is a struggle. Struggling to stay awake, struggling not to cry, struggling just to function through another day and hoping that the next night will be better.
If you deal with the same things, know that you’re not alone. There are many, like me, who are in the trenches with you. Though it feels like you’re all alone in this battle, you’re not. There are many like you and I. You are not weak. You are not less than. You have changed. I wish I could say that wasn’t so, but it is. But being changed doesn’t mean you are worthless. It just means you have taken some of the worst the world has had to offer and you took your wounds and stood back up.
I know it sounds like a cliche’, but take it to God. And yes, I have wondered often why God would allow any of this to happen to me. The answer is, we live in a fallen and sin filled world. God needs warriors who are still willing to stand in the gap with Him and reach out to others who need help. Our wounds don’t make us less useful to Him. In fact, they make us the perfect warriors for Him.
Stand strong with the whole armor of God. Eph. 6:10
- New Facebook page for PTSD (theonlyblogtitleleft.wordpress.com)
- Association Between Poor Sleep And PTSD After Heart Attack (medicalnewstoday.com)
- Does Iron Man 3’s Hero Suffer Posttraumatic Stress Disorder? (psychologytoday.com)