I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years ago, I think. I say I think because I really don’t know for sure. One of the things PTSD has done to me is greatly affect my memory.
Since PTSD hit me I just don’t remember things. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I used to have a near photographic memory. Tests were never an issue for me in school because I always remembered the information. As a police officer, I could make an arrest and then go to court months later and remember with vivid clarity all of the details of the incident. Basically, once I saw something it was locked in my mind and I could recall it anytime I wanted or needed.
After PTSD I rarely remember much of anything. I have to check my phone or watch multiple times a day to know what day it is. I have to keep extensive notes of normal everyday things because I can’t recall information when I need it. Simple things like did I eat lunch? I don’t know. Did I make a phone call I was supposed to make? Don’t know, I have to do some research to find out. Did I turn the oven off? I have no earthly idea, I’ll have to go check. And then at times recheck multiple times before I can get a particular piece of info to stick.
For me, this has been probably the most annoying and embarrassing part of PTSD. I HATE having to call someone like the doctors office to find out if I already called them or not. If I failed to take down notes, then I typically have no way of knowing whether I have spoken to somebody or not.
I’m basically relegated to doing chores around the house. Cleaning, fixing, upgrading, etc. I am able to handle our money because of extensive register and note keeping that I do. I am grateful for these things because it gives me a sense of purpose. It makes me feel that my wife isn’t having to carry all of the burden herself.
It’s difficult to once be a man who could respond to any emergency situation with a clear mind and confidence, and then go to someone who has to triple check before I leave the house to make sure I have my wallet. I guess in the end this is the new me and I might as well get used to it. I’m not really seeing a change in the near future.
- The Brain, Brain Chemistry, and PTSD (ptsdandme2006.wordpress.com)