No matter how many sermons I’ve heard, books I’ve read, prayers I’ve prayed and time I’ve spent in the Bible. This question haunts me. “Am I screwing up and is God going to punish me for it?”
In the analytical part of my brain, I know the answer: God loves me. He loved me enough to die for me. But the deep down parts of me still question.
Part of it, and this is partly the reason for my PTSD, is that my earthly parents rarely seemed to be pleased with me. No matter how much I tried to get it right, whatever I was doing, it was going to be wrong in some way and I would pay for it. Either physically, verbally or emotionally. Or all of the above. At some point and in some way, these fears and expectations got transferred to God. After all, my younger thoughts said, if I can barely ever please my family, those who are supposed to be closest to me, then how could I ever please God. How could I ever live up to His standards when I don’t seem to be able to do the dishes right or find the right tool, etc.?
But my mistake is this: I’m trying to fit God into my definition of a parent. Unfortunately, my experience with parental figures was not a good one. But, they are,were fallible humans. God is not. God is perfection. To find the differences, we really need to look closely at the Bible. We need to study how God dealt with His children. Sure, at times God did and does allow them to go the rough road. Sometimes for their own good, and sometimes simply so they can learn a lesson.
This is something that may take me the rest of my life to learn. Or maybe unlearn my childhood experience. But, even then, God will not let you or I down. It just won’t happen.
- Trusting God with your Present (Trusting God Series Part 2) (jdstudios.wordpress.com)