Just be happy with me?

My wife and I were at a restaurant yesterday and I had this strange feeling of just being ok with who I am.  This may not be a strange feeling to many, but for me, it’s very odd.  I was taught from a very early age that who I was was not ok.  This way of thinking has been a life long process.

So, how do I change that now?  How do I overcome over three decades of conditioning.  Conditioning that was started at home and then continued by me out of sheer habit.  How do I begin to understand how God see’s me?

Maybe, just maybe, more than anything else, this is where I need to spend my time.  Not trying to fix anything.  Not trying to overcome PTSD.  Not trying to please anyone.  Just being ok with who I am and learning to accept that God loves me for me.  Not for how hard I work.  Not for how much I beat myself up, which I’m quite good at at.  Quite honestly, this scares the crap out of me.  What if I make even worse mistakes while trying to be just me?  It’s a vicious cycle, but I’ve got to learn how to break this cycle.

Just being who I am.  Who God created me to be.  Doing the best I can and understanding that God knows I will have missteps and mistakes.  Even as I type this, I find that it all sounds like a lie I’m trying to tell myself.  Maybe I have my truths and lies mixed up?  What do you think?

 

 

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3 comments on “Just be happy with me?

  1. I’ve been going through a lot recently and started blogging as a note taking endeavour, kind of like journaling my thoughts. God has been revamping my whole concept of identity as it relates to how he sees me. The past 2 months have been amazing for me in relation to identity.

    Ephesians 2:13 TMT “But now wow! Everything has changed; vhou have discovered yourselves to be located in Christ. What once seemed so distant is now so near; his blood reveals your redeemed innocence and authentic genesis. ”

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