With PTSD, I always seem to be hunting for safety. Sometimes consciously, and sometimes not. Experiences have taught me that a safe place is hard to find. Of course, this is often PTSD talking, but it seems I’m always on the hunt for safety.
The hunt for safety is one of the reasons why I like hotels so much. My wife’s work requires her to travel quite often. Occasionally, I’m able to travel with her. I finally figured out today the real reason why the hotel stay is so relaxing for me. It’s not being in a new place, or a change of routine. In fact, these things are often anything but relaxing for me. New places throw me off of my routine. They require more mental energy for me to stay focused.
But, I realized today that I feel supremely safe in a hotel room. I’m going to try to list a few reasons for why this may be.
First, there is anonymity. No one knows me here. I can come and go without question.
Second, no one knows I’m in my room. Typically, my name isn’t listed on the room. I am a ghost here. A person with bad intentions could not find me here even if they wanted to.
Third, it’s a small space. My hotel room is easily under my control. There is only one way in or out of the room. I also don’t have to hunt for something if I need it. If there’s something I need, it’s in a suitcase. All nice and compact. All in one place.
The phone doesn’t ring. No knock at the door if I put out the do not disturb sign. And I’m one of a couple hundred other people. I’m not easy to find here.
You may think after reading this that I’m some kind of fugitive from justice. Rest assured I am not. I’ve simply been changed by a violent world and now finding a place of even temporary refuge is more fantastic than I can adequately describe.
p.s. the hotel room in the photo is not mine. I’m not sure I would stay there, kind of creepy.